Feeling down? It might be time for some opposite action
Animated illustrations by Emile
by Ben Kuchera
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Strong emotions often inspire strong actions, especially with intense, often uncomfortable feelings — like anger or loneliness. Becoming enraged can make us feel like we should throw something into a wall, or sadness may make us feel as though we should hide away from friends and family until the feelings pass. Sorrow or regret might make us irritable and more likely to lash out against friends and family instead of dealing with our emotions directly.
The problem is that these reactions often won’t make the situation better, and may in fact make things worse, while keeping us locked into the patterns that can lead to those emotions returning again and again. Which is where the DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) skill of “opposite action” comes into play.
What is opposite action?
Opposite action is simple to explain, but difficult to master. It requires that you note the strong emotion, pay attention to your initial urge to act on it, and do the opposite of what your reactive brain seems to be suggesting.
“For example, if we are feeling angry and feel like attacking someone, we might gently avoid the person with whom we’re frustrated, do deep breathing exercises to calm our body, soften our jaw and hands, bring a gentle smile to our face, and try to find some small part of how they’re acting that we can understand and for which we can feel empathy,” Susie Musch, PhD, and senior staff psychologist at the University of Oregon wrote. “If we are feeling sadness and want to isolate ourselves, we might try walking tall, maintaining eye contact, and getting out and doing things to stay busy. By taking these steps, you are actually rewiring your brain, creating more choice and emotional resilience.”
The results tend to be the strongest when you’re willing to throw yourself completely into the opposite action, making this an approach that may require some creative thinking and dedication. You’re going to have to go against your initial instincts, and that can be quite the struggle as folks begin to practice opposite action.
But it’s also one of the simpler, if not easier, skills in emotional regulation to put into practice without needing much outside help. It’s a technique that’s even safe for you to try at home. So how can you get started with opposite action?
First, remember that it’s not as simple as instantly doing the opposite of your first impulse. This is about taking a moment to think about your reaction so you can find something that might help instead of prolonging the tricky emotion or making the situation worse. It’s about acting with mindful intention instead of an immediate, and perhaps negative, reaction.
Emile
Engaging in opposite action can be as simple as putting on upbeat, happy music when you’re feeling down, especially if you’re able to get out of your head a little bit and dance to it, moving enough to work up a sweat. If your current mental state is causing you to stay away from others, you can make plans with friends to leave the house and do something fun together to stay social (if you’re able). If you’re feeling anxious about a work or school project, forcing yourself to take the first few steps toward finishing it can be incredibly helpful.
The list goes on: If you’re lonely and would like someone to reach out to you, the simplest way to feel relief may actually be to reach out to someone else yourself, and see if they need help. If you’re feeling hopeless about the future, share notes of positivity and enthusiasm about upcoming events on social media or in a quick text to a friend.
“You will notice that this strategy does not rely on avoiding your emotions; rather, it requires mindfully examining your emotions, understanding them, and then being intentional about how you respond to them,” Musch explained. The trick is to realize that your initial reaction to the emotion is often something that will cause the negative emotion to stick around, while mindfully doing the opposite can often cause the negative emotion to lessen, or disappear entirely with time.
Opposite action isn’t about “just snapping out of it” or learning how to stop procrastinating. It’s a way to teach yourself to pause, look at the reality of the situation, rethink the best way to react, and then put that plan into play. It’s about learning to look for the healthier options while processing your tough emotions in order to make positive changes in your life.
It’s a skill that takes practice and dedication, but it also can yield transformation quicker than you might think. And if you’re feeling defensive and tempted to ignore this strategy? I humbly suggest you do the opposite.