Play is a keystone activity for children. Children develop everything from spatial awareness to conflict management while running into furniture and throwing sand. Play is remarkable precisely because it addresses so many developmental domains while being outright fun.

So why do most of us stop playing when we become adults?

The loss of playtime

When asked, Dr. Jameca Cooper listed numerous childhood domains that play contributes to: "Physically, play helps children develop their gross and fine motor skills, strength, coordination, and balance. Mentally, play helps children learn and develop their problem-solving skills, creativity, and imagination. Socially and emotionally, play helps children learn how to interact with others, share, cooperate, and resolve conflicts."

It's a long list, and entirely in line with scientific consensus. Unfortunately, playtime became a societal casualty decades ago. A gradual decrease in childhood playtime has been linked to a rise in mental distress. Teenagers in developed nations now lean toward aversion over exploration. This has beneficial effects for substance use and unwanted pregnancy, but feeds into a more 'serious' outlook.

The decline of play in adulthood is also keenly felt. It's almost as tragic as giving up daily naps. Mounting responsibilities and regimented lifestyles contribute to our lack of playtime. When we have precious downtime, it's often spent on social media. That's not always our fault — wanting to balance a stressful, complex life with idleness is perfectly rational. But, maybe there's a brighter direction.

Learning to unlearn the learned seriousness

I once remarked to a German lecturer that she's incredibly bubbly no matter the circumstances. She told me it's because, "Germans are very good at humor. We take it very seriously."

That stuck with me because it exhibited what I now see as signs of playfulness in adults. Playful adults are perceived to be easy-going, disarming to talk to, and non-serious. The benefits don't end there. Psychotherapist Brittany Pinto points out that, "engaging in playful activities can boost creative thinking and problem-solving skills as well as strengthen relationships and build a sense of community. Play provides a healthy escape from the demands of work and daily responsibilities. And play can often be physical, which can promote exercise and well-being."

The call for more playtime isn't a call for us to climb trees or pretend to be soldiers (though those are great options if they appeal to you). Our rules-based order makes unstructured play foreign — even downright difficult. We incorporate regulation and our desire for improvement into pastimes like exercise and gaming. Spontaneity is the exception, not the norm. It's the same mindset we bring to work, and that's not a bad thing. It just means playfulness can look different to adults.

Lucile Farroni

Fostering playfulness in our big selves

Since we're fond of instructions and have also forgotten how playfulness works, allow me to offer some guidelines.

Play must be fun

By definition, play is enjoyable. Play does not need a purpose beyond pure enjoyment, and its other benefits are secondary. This is exceedingly difficult to wrap our heads around because we're so used to reaching for goals.

As Pinto notes, "It often involves more spontaneous, creative, and imaginative activities. While adults might engage in structured hobbies like sports or board games, 'play' can also encompass unstructured activities such as daydreaming, doodling, or imaginative storytelling."

Play should be thoughtful

Play is not the passive consumption of a product or service, no matter how enjoyable the passivity is. Sadly, this excludes Netflix and doomscrolling. Active play engages our minds or bodies in the moment. Cooper calls it being fully present and says, "It's important to be fully present when you're playing and to avoid distractions. This means turning off your phone and closing your laptop, so you can focus on the activity at hand."'

Losing ourselves in something enjoyable engages us in a way that is enjoyable. Even at its hardest, we should not only feel exerted, but satisfied.

Play can maintain unseen skills

Taking part in play can (but doesn't have to) sharpen uncountable skills like conflict management, cooperation, and spatial awareness. These qualities are uncountable because they are reflected in long-term happiness and creativity rather than a score.

After all, there's no use asking a child, 'What conflict mediation skills did you hone on the playground today?' Rather, these skills are witnessed during play and we see the results as they grow older. That also applies to us.

Beyond performance

The scary thing about playing in adulthood is that if we work on it too hard, it stops being playful.

That thought is only frightening to those of us who are trained to chase performance and results. It's a sign that 'fun' is no longer seen as the treasure that it is. But I'm not a total doomer and we are not hopeless. We just need to coax that gentler part of ourselves awake to bring a bit more joy into our lives.

And now that you've read this and know about how play can benefit you, you can't unread or forget it.

So what I'm saying is…

Tag! You're it.

The importance of play for grownups

The loss of playtime

Learning to unlearn the learned seriousness