Finding solidarity in music
by Cat Woods
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Content warning: This story discusses violence against women, including sexual assault.
According to the CDC, one in four women in the U.S. will be the victim of sexual assault, rape, or an attempted sexual assault or rape over the course of their life. Despite the prevalence of sexual violence against women, it remains one of the most underreported crimes to law enforcement. Many crimes like these are never reported to authorities, with women citing shame, fear of not being believed, and concern that they will be blamed for the assault as reasons for not reporting.
Numerous women have found healing in music, but the application of songs as therapy isn’t limited to cases of sexual assault. There are many types of common traumas that live on in the minds and bodies of women. Survivors of various conditions — including domestic violence, eating disorders, substance dependence, mental illness, and more — can find validation, solidarity, and hope through music.
The following songs are I can get through this anthems straight out of the sisterhood jukebox. They’re written by women who mine through their darkest experiences and share their discoveries as a fundamental component of their craft. If they speak to you, these songs might just inspire strength, sovereignty, and solidarity.
Annie McCall
“A+W” - Lana Del Ray
I hope Lana's music gives women in their 20s and 30s a sense of permission to be vulnerable and fierce, sexual on their own terms, and mysterious — always in a process of reveal. (Lana sings, “Ask me why, why I'm like this/maybe I'm just kinda like this.”) For women who were coming of age in the ‘90s, Hole, Tori Amos, PJ Harvey, Fiona Apple, and Bikini Kill might have soundtracked some of their most formative years. Lana Del Ray is helping to carry the same candid and forthright attitude forward.
In “A+W,” Lana sings about how she was not believed when she publicly revealed her experience of being raped, and how she no longer cares what people say about her. It is an epic song, beginning as a melancholic ballad before seething into synth-driven pop. Del Ray is both vulnerable and resigned as she delivers the sort of song that could only be written from a place of reflection and with the perspective of time.
“Asking For It” - Hole
“Was she asking for it? / Was she asking nice? /Did she ask you for it? / Did she ask you twice?”
—Hole, “Asking For It”
In 1994, as grunge music dominated radio and MTV, the rock scene was still dominated by men. Perhaps because she was a girl in a boys’ club, and regarded more as Kurt Cobain’s partner rather than an artist in her own right, Courtney Love had to be twice as loud and fierce. In “Asking For It,” the refrain goes, “Was she asking nice?/Did she ask you for it?/Did she ask you twice?”
In 1991, Love dived into the mosh pit during a live performance and was physically and sexually molested by members of the audience. She reflected on it in an interview years later, recalling that she was blamed by audiences and the media for bringing the assaults upon herself by wearing a dress and heels on stage. To this day, women are still having to answer to what they were wearing, or how they were behaving prior to an assault as if they were “asking for it.”
“Me and a Gun” - Tori Amos
But I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this
—Tori Amos, “Me and a Gun”
Done in a capella, Tori Amos recounted one of the most harrowing experiences of her life in this 1992 song from her album Little Earthquakes. Her words sound intimate, immediate, and confessional as she delivers in her beautiful, if restrained, solo voice: “Me and a gun, and a man on my back.”
After a show, she offered a lift to one of her fans. Once in the car, he raped her at gunpoint. As Amos sings, she feared that she may not survive and had to remind herself repeatedly of all the reasons she must survive this, including travel to places she’d never been (“I haven’t seen Barbados/so I must get out of this”).
“Ice Cream Man” - RAYE
After nearly a decade during which her previous record label refused to release her music as an album, young R&B star RAYE independently released her own album to huge acclaim in February 2023. The track “Ice Cream Man” recounts a producer enticing her into a studio with the promise of making music, only to force himself upon her.
Though furious and confused, RAYE sings of her refusal to let his manipulative exploitation make her feel powerless or alone: “I'll be damned if I let a man ruin/How I walk, how I talk, how I do it”
She reflects on behaviors like these being a part of her life since she was a child:
“And I was seven
Was 21, was 17, and was 11
It took a while to understand what my consent means
If I was ruthless, they'd be in the penitentiary
But all the stress of being honest wouldn't help me
I pushed it down, but it was living in me rent free
And then I fell into some things that were unhealthy
A place where no one heard me asking them to help me”
Healing in the aftermath of assaults like these can be complicated for myriad reasons. One of those reasons is the common experience of feeling unheard and doubted. While we can’t move the needle here overnight, we can embrace the power music often holds for trauma survivors — even if only for the validation and sense of solidarity it can help provide. Creative expression can be an effective tool for processing trauma. If you’d like to dive deeper into songs by women about assault-related trauma, check out this collection from NPR.
According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network), someone is sexually assaulted every 68 seconds in America, which can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), among other things. If you have been the victim of assault or otherwise affected by it, please know that you are not alone. You can access confidential, free help at http://online.rainn.org/ or The Center for Sexual Assault Survivors (visitthecenter.org).
Annie McCall
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