Apps that make long-distance friendships less work and more fun
Illustrated animation by Cinta Fosch
by Emily Blackwood
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Like so many adults, I moved away from home. And like so many adults, I wholeheartedly believed in my ability to maintain my friendships at such an intimate level that they probably wouldn't even notice I left. With access to a pocket robot that could instantly connect me to my loved ones, it seemed downright unthinkable (and frankly, callous) to let a tiny detail like distance hinder our bonds.
But it did.
After five years of living across the country, I've realized — often late into the night and with much horror — that I'd let many of my favorite friendships slip through the cracks. Not out of a lack of love but a lack of texting back. Alex Alexander, friendship coach and host of the podcast Friendship IRL, says this is a common pitfall in LDFs (long-distance friendships) because text-based communication tends to keep us stuck in "catching up."
"When people move away, you lose a lot of your shared experiences," she says. "You can continue to share with each other, but you're always catching your friends up on the past. You're not really living in the present with them. And that can feel really draining."
Draining, and a little too much like work. Written communication is also how we correspond with our colleagues and bosses. Getting the same notification-ridden messages from your pals blurs the lines of leisure and labor. So if connecting with your friends is feeling more like an obligation than a treat, it's time to take a good hard look at how you're connecting.
Alexander says that while reminiscing on the old days and keeping your LDFs up-to-date on your world is important, prioritizing new experiences injects life back into your relationships. Whether it's baking the same recipe over Zoom or starting a text thread where you share your current favorite products, going beyond the "how are you"s can make your far-away friends feel like a bigger part of your life.
If you're looking for an upgrade to your current texting routine, here are five apps that set the stage for shared experiences and closer connections, time zones be damned.
Best for some friendly competition: Mario Kart
Nothing unites people quite like the desire to wipe the metaphorical floor with each other. If you and your crew used to get together for game nights, why not fire up a few races of Mario Kart? Alexander says dedicating a day and time to hop on and play a couple of games is not only easy (and fun) but also takes the pressure off of a long catch-up call.
You have to clear a cup (which involves winning four races) to unlock the multiplayer feature, but once it's unlocked, you can invite your friends from anywhere in the world. Hop on a video call while you race for an added element of rivalry — and togetherness.
Cost: Free
Best for friends that should have a podcast: Cappuccino
Written communication feels shallow because it kind of is. When we're only talking through text, we miss out on body language and the nuances of tonality that gives conversations their depth. Research has shown that voice interactions create stronger bonds and reduce feelings of awkwardness. But if you get stage fright every time you go to send a voice message, you may benefit from a little conversation direction. Enter Cappuccino.
The app creates prompts — like "describe your favorite memory of the friend group" — to jumpstart meaningful conversations. Each person in the group records their answer, and you get it delivered to your phone every morning. There are tons of themes and games to choose from, or you can create your own prompts for your friends to answer.
Cost: Free
Best for tight bonds: Locket Widget
If you moved away from the friend you did everything with, their absence is painfully noticeable. The Locket Widget recreates a little bit of that togetherness by displaying live photos sent from your friends directly to your phone screen. Think of it like a super-private social media platform (you can only add up to 20 people) with no newsfeeds and no followers. Just real-time snippets of your closest friends' lives that'll make you feel like you're right there.
Cost: Free
Best for vulnerable conversation starters: Co-Star
You don't have to believe in astrology to enjoy the relational benefits of Co-Star. Part horoscope, part therapist, this app's daily predictions are the perfect template for sparking deeper conversations. Once your friends are on the platform, you get a personalized forecast about the similar feelings you both might have that day. My mom and I are both on it and most mornings, she'll send me a screenshot of our "relationship report" with a message about how spot-on the description is.
Cost: Free
Distance doesn't have to mean disconnection. With a little intention and digital experimentation, you can reimagine your long-distance friendships so they're not a chore but an adventure. Whether you utilize a cool app or dedicate a day of the week to bake on Zoom, creating new experiences with your friends is the best way to bring your relationship into the present — no matter the miles.